Tag Archive for Friday Funnies

Friday Funnies: construction definitions

Contractor - A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

Bid Opening – A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

Low Bidder – A contractor who is wondering what he/she left out.

Engineer’s Estimate – The cost of construction in Heaven.

Project Manager – The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

Critical Path Method – A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

OSHA – A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, split hairs, red tape and baloney – usually applied at random with a shot gun.

Strike – An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

Delayed Payment – A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Completion Date – The point at which liquidated damages begin.

Liquidated Damages – A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

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Friday Funnies: just a question of standards

Just a Question of Standards…

Does the statement, “We’ve always done it that way” ring any bells…?

The US standard railroad gauge is 4 feet, 8.5 inches.

That’s an exceedingly odd number. Horse-carriage-to-the

Why was that gauge used?

Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?

Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.

Why did “they” use that gauge then?

Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?

Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads?

Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads?

Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.   Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot.   And bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a spec and told we have always done it that way and wonder what horse’s ass came up with that, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.

Now the twist to the story…

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank.

These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs.   The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah.   The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains.   The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel.   The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses’ behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a Horse’s ass.

And you thought being a horse’s ass wasn’t important ??

 

Friday Funnies: talented nail gunner


 

Friday Funnies: attention all brick layers!

Somebody, please give this poor guy a wheel barrel . . . or some tylenol!


 

Friday Funnies: pour cement up?

 


 

Friday Funnies: Humor of Carmen Ciricillo


  

Friday Funnies: getting to work on time

Now this is what I call getting to the job site on time. 

Friday Funnies: I meant to do that

Watch out for that load of dirt.  Oh, never mind.

Friday Funnies: I just built it the way they told me

Would this classify as a fire escape?

J

 

Friday Funnies: fire drill!

Blueprint Bluepers: Construction cartoon showing an exit sign above a Janitor's Closet door.

Real Deal: The lighting plan showed an "EXIT" sign above the door to the Janitor's Closet that had no other exit.

Artist: Chaise Payan

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